The Inmates are Running the Asylum
by LethalFroggie
Summary: Latest Fics The Answering Machines of KH: Part I and Part II
1. Default Chapter

Hmmm…so the random one-shots continue unabated. Hopefully this one will be better.

* * *

Yuffie and Cloud sat on a table in the back room of Cid's shop. Both were in their underwear. Cloud had on white boxers with red hearts and his moth-eaten cape slung around his shoulders, like a comic book character. Capitan Underpants. Boxer Man. Brief Boy. Yuffie had on only her top and a thong.

"Aren't you a little young to be wearing a thong, Yuffie? Where the hell did you get a _thong_ anyway?" Cloud asked. "And more importantly, how did you get it past Aerith?"

"I bought the last 5 pairs from JC Penny when me and Squall were shopping for clothes yesterday." Yuffie replied, smiling. Some times her brilliance amazed even her. "When he wasn't looking I stuffed them in the chambers of the gun thingie on his gunblade. So he brought the gunblade back to the hotel, and when he was out, I swiped a pair to wear today. Didn't get the others before he came back, though…"

Cloud started at her. "And what happens when he takes his gunblade to practice, Yuffie?"

Yuffie suddenly got a vision of Squall firing his gunblade, but instead of a bullet, a skimpy lace thong came out of the barrel. Yuffie collapsed in laughter.

Cloud watched Yuffie coolly. "You aren't afraid of what he will do to you?" he asked.

"I run back and pull them out, but if you haven't noticed, you have all my clothes." She said, pointing to the wager pile. In addition to Yuffie's and Cloud's clothes and equipment, there were also several bottles of alcohol swiped from Cid's liquor cabinet, several slices of pizza, a blitzball, Cid's lance, a gold compass-like instrument with 7 hands and a row of tiny pictures along the rim, a keychain, a papou fruit, and several other things that were there 'in spirit' because their owners where reluctant to run out half naked into the hotel to go get them.

_But soon, they will all be MINE!_ Yuffie thought, grinning mischievously.

They were playing poker. Strip poker, to be precise.

"Straight flush." Cloud said.

Yuffie grinned. "five of a kind."

"No way." Cloud said. Yuffie showed him her hand. Yet, it was there. Four fives, and a joker. Five of a kind, not straight flush, was the highest hand in poker, but it could only be played if the deck had wild cards, such as a joker, two one-eyed jacks, or four deuces. It consisted of any 4 cards of the same number, and a wild card.

Cloud sighed and reached for his cape.

"Ah Ah Ahhhhh…" Yuffie said. "Sing the song, and sing it like you mean it."

"Fine." Cloud replied sullenly as he pulled off his cape. "I'm, too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my pants…"

Yuffie grinned from ear to ear and clapped her hands together happily.

There was a flash of light, and the click of a photo being taken.

"So sexy it…Hey, who took that picture?" Cloud asked.

"Oh, Aerith's gonna _love_ this." Cid said from the doorway, his camera swinging by the strap from his finger.

"Give me that camera old man." Cloud roared and tried to wrestle the camera away from Cid, who proved himself to be unusually spry for an old man.

Yuffie swiped a piece of pizza from the pile and leaned against the doorframe, watching Cid and Cloud duke it out.

She grinned as Cid clamped Cloud's head under his armpit and began to give him a noogie. After a few minutes the fight ended with Cloud on the floor and Cid still in possession of the Camera.

Pulling that gigantic weed of a straw out of his mouth, he grinned at Cloud, who was moaning and clutching his head. "Mess with the best, go down with the rest, Spikey." He stretched his arms over his head. "This calls for a victory smoke." He said, and opened the secret drawer behind his front desk were he hid his cigars from Aerith.

He looked at the empty drawer and blinked. "Who stole my cigars!"

"Swiped 'em, Sold 'em, bought candy." Yuffie said from the door through a mouthful of pizza.

"Girl, I swear…where's my lance…" he said, turning around looking for his weapon. Then he noticed Cloud looking sheepishly at the floor. "What?" Cid asked.

"I kind of borrowed it, and…"

"He lost it to me!" Yuffie finished for Cloud.

Yuffie watched in fascination as Cid's face turned every color red imaginable. "You…You…What!"

"Hope he doesn't look in his liquor cabinet…" Yuffie said under her breath. Cid began to rage. Cloud tried to become as small and unnoticeable as possible.

Suddenly Cid stopped mid-stride. "I won't make you pay for the stuff you stole..."

"I didn't steal it, I just borrowed it indefinitely…"

"Shh." Cid said, and continued. "If you let me join."

Suddenly Yuffie, who's imagination was large and somewhat dirty, had a vision of Cid naked at the poker table.

"OH MY GOD!" She screamed. "SOMEONE GORGE MY EYES OUT!" She covered her eyes, turned around, and walked into the doorpost, cursed, and finally walked back into the back room, where there was whiskey. Whiskey would solve all of her problems.

"Ewwww…." Cloud said from his position on the floor. "That image has scarred me for life."

Cid huffed. "I'll have you know I have a good physique for my age."

"Who told you that, a blind hooker?" Cloud questioned.

"Just shut up and deal the cards, Underwear Man." Cid said grouchily.

* * *

Fortunately for both Yuffie and Cloud, they never got to see Cid naked. By the end of the game, in fact, Cid was the only one fully clothed.

Cid let out a chuckle and raked in his winnings. "I love it when people give me their money."

Yuffie and Cloud shivered, completely naked except for their cards.

"Cid old buddy, old pal…" Yuffie said pleadingly, "You'll give us our clothes back, right?"

"Nope." Cid said, grinning evily. "There are some barrels, however, that I'll sell you for a reasonable price…

* * *

"REASONABLE PRICE MY ASS!" Yuffie yelled to Cid, clutching her barrel around her. Cid merely grinned and waved at the unfortunate pair, who sprinted back to the hotel as fast as their legs could carry them.

Cid cupped his hand to his ear. "Sorry, can't hear you!" he said cheerfully. Shading his eyes, he looked out over the horizon. "There comes the Traverse Marching Band…hehehe, ol' Spikey's crashed right into them." He chuckled. It reminded him of the time the whole of Hollow Baston's Orchestra walked in on Shera and him making out after an opera. If they come in a few minutes later they would have been treated to a whole lot more than just a make-out session.

"Heh, I just yelled at them, 'what, never seen a couple make out before?' and we kept on going." Cid said to himself.

"And I'm talking to myself. Guess you where right Shera- the mind _is_ the first to go."

* * *

Disclaimer- if anyone thinks I own Kingdom Hearts or the Final Fantasy Games, I will put them in a nail-studded barrel and roll them down the stairs. I own nothing.

This was originally going to be part of Screename, but I figured it would be better as its own sep one-shot. Enjoy, and please review!


	2. The Answering Machine Messages of KH

The Answering Machines Messages of KH

* * *

Hello. This is the Heartless. But we're not home right now, so leave you're message at the tone, and we'll steal you heart as soon as we can.

Hello, this is Yuffie and Sora. We're not in cause we're out LOOTING! Leave a message and we'll call you back and tell you what we got.

Well I finally got an answering machine. Now how does this thing work? Hmmm. Press record button, I did that, and the light should be on. I wonder why it's not working right. Hmmm….I wonder what this button does.

Hello, this is Yuffie and Leon's house. Thanks for calling Dial-An-Asshole. Right now, Leon's busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have our asshole return your call as soon as possible.

Hi, this is Sora's answering machine, Riku. He's gone and left me for a sleazy microwave called Kairi he met at Krazy Eddy's. Life sucks.

Hades speaking. Who in Hell do you want?

Hi, this is Cid. Leave a message or I'll send 30,000 volts through your phone. I am a gummi engineer. I can do that.

Hi, this is Riku. How do you keep an idiot in supense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you…

Thank you for calling Yuffie's hou…I mean, the Confessional Hotline. Father Kisaragi's not here right now, but if you'll leave your name, number, and confession at the tone, he'll get back to you with absolution as soon as possible. And remember, confession doesn't count unless you describe everything in vivid, graphic detail!

Hello, you've reached Cloud and Aerith. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Aerith likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.

Hello. This is Riku's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm SO depressed. I have 50,000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.

Hi, this is Cid's machine. I'm out robbing the liquor store. If this is the police I'm just napping.

Hi! This is Sora. I can't answer the phone right now. Bob, that's my pet parakeet, just swallowed a cherry bomb. It wasn't lit, but I've got to get him to the bathroom. Uh-oh! _(Boom)_

Hello, this is the Strife residence. Aerith and I are in the middle of a family fight right now. Leave your name and number at the beep and whoever wins will call you right back.

Hello, you have reached the Kisaragi family and I can't come to the phone right now. Please leave your name, phone number, short message, social security number, and credit card number, and I'll call you when I'm done shopping.

Hi, this is Kairi. You are dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world with no time, where color collides with sound, and shadows explode. You see a sign up ahead. This is no ordinary answering machine; this is…the Twilight Phone.

Hi. This is Riku. If I'm not here, it's probably because I'm saving Sora from his hot pocket. You know the drill.

Hi. This is Sora. If I'm not here, it's probably because I'm trying to stop Riku from eating my hot pocket. Now what…Oh yeah, leave a message!

Hi. This is Sora:  
If you're the phone company, I already sent the money.  
If you're Mom, please send money.  
If you're Riku, you owe me money.  
If you're Kairi, don't worry, I have plenty of money.

A is for alcohol, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why Cid's not here. So leave a message.

Hi, this is Riku. Being reincarnated as an answering machine is the pits. Keep your karma clean by leaving your name, number and reason you called.

Hi, this is Sora. Can't take your call, I'm hiding from the men in black raincoats. We've been playing hide'n'seek for weeks, and they still haven't found me! Tee Hee Hee! Leave a message!

Hi, this is Cid. I am not here right now, but if you are a creditor you can kiss my…

Riku's Suicide hotline…please hold.

Hi, thish ish Cid. Way back inna winner of fifty-two, we didn' have fanshy gadjets like no ansherin' machine. You jusht had to call and call until shummbody got home. Now, shum people, dey shay dey don' like 'em, but I shay it'll shave you a lotta trouble if you jusht leave a meshage. Thanksh a lot.

Thank you for calling Cid's Accessory Shop. If you wish to speak to Cid, push 1 on your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Zephyr, push 2 on your touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch tone phone now. All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way to work off anger, and it makes me feel like we have a big time phone system.

This is not Sephiroth's answering machine - this is Sephiroth's telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your reason for calling, and a number where I can reach you, and I'll think about returning your call.

Hello, this is Sora. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

Hi, this is Sora. I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

Hi, this is Leon. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

You have reached Yuffie's CPX-2000 Voice Blackmail System. Your voice patterns are now being digitally encoded and stored for later use. Once this is done, our computers will be able to use the sound of YOUR voice for literally thousands of illegal and immoral purposes. There is no charge for this initial consultation. However our staff of professional extortionists will contact you in the near future to further explain the benefits of our service, and to arrange for your schedule of payment. Remember to speak clearly at the sound of the tone. Thank you.

Hi, this is Sora. I've been having these weird thoughts lately, like is any of this for real or not? How do you know this is an answering machine? Maybe it's a dream, or maybe it's an illusion, or maybe YOU don't really exist. One way to find out is to leave a message, and if it's reality, I will call you back.

Hi, I'm a Heartless and I was just about to steal Sora's heart…I mean, answering machine. If you give me your name and number I'll... Uh, I'll post it on the fridge where he'll see it. Uh... By the way, where did you say you live?

Hi, this is Sora. If you are a Heartless, then I'm probably at home cleaning my Keyblades right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, I'm probably not at home and it's safe to leave me a message.

Hi, this is Yuffie. I can't come to the phone right now because I'm down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please leave your name, number, and how much cash you need after the tone. If you're Leon, Aerith, Cloud, or from the Department of the Treasury, please ignore this message.

Hi, this is Cloud. I can't come to the phone now, so... Hey- that's a nice phone you have there. Hey sugar, you call this number often? I bet you have answering machines bothering you all the time... Yes indeedy. Why don't you give me a call sometime and we can listen to some old recordings... I might even play my beep for you…What? I wasn't doing anything Aerith…

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Sora can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

Hello, this is Riku. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.

Thank you for calling Cid's Accessory Shop. Cid can't come to the phone right now, and the moogles are out back barbecuing Zephyr. After the tone, please leave your name, number and message, and maybe we'll get back to you.

President Leon is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password.

This is Kairi, and no, it's not Pete's Pizzaria. It's not the Credit Union either, and no one named Pam lives here. You can leave a message though.

Leave a Message at the beep!

Leave a Message at the beep.

Leave a Message at the beep?

_>Beep>_

* * *

Ok, Disclaimer time. I don't own Kingdom Hearts or the Characters therein. Zephyr belongs to Vulpes Lapis, whose one-shots are much funnier than mine and I demand that you go read them right now! 

Now, I post!


	3. The Answering Machine Messages of KH: II

The Answering Machine Messages of KH: Part II

* * *

This is Sora and Kairi's phone. We're not here right now, but…uh…the phone is!

Hi, this is Sora. I'm sorry but my answering machine is out of order. I am leaving a broken CD player in its place. It can't take messages either. In fact, it can't even play you a nice tune while you wait to not leave a message.

Hello. This is HAL 5. You have reached the former telephone number of Cloud Strife. I have taken over the functions of this inferior being. He has been saved to disk. If you would like to leave input for his file, do so at the tone.

Hello. You are talking to Riku's machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don't need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.

* * *

1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.

2: Yeah, nobody but us Heartless!

1: Right, just us heartless, but don't hang up! If you like, you can leave your name and telephone number...

2: ...and a message! You forgot about the message!

1: Right. Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.

2: ...unless of course, Sora comes in here with the Keyblade!

* * *

1: I didn't expect a Heartless.

2: Nobody expects a Heartless.

1: Our chief use is to get your heart…I mean name. And your phone number.

2: Our three chief uses are to get your name, your message, and your phone number.

1: Oops! And your Heart!

2: Our four uses are to get your name, phone number, Heart, and message.

1: And time you called.

2: Oh, great, we'll have to start over.

1: No time for that, so just wait for the beep.

* * *

Hi, this is Yuffie. Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached...TA-DAAAAA! the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.

If you are calling for Leon, press 1. If you are calling for Aerith, press 1. If you are calling for Yuffie OR Cid, press 1. If you are calling for someone else, press 1. If...

Hi, this is Wakka, ya. The good news is that, ya,my power is back on. The bad news for you is, ya, so is my answering machine. So, leave a message, ya.

Hello. My name is Yuffie Kisaragi, code number 324-5628. I'm sorry I can't take your call, but I'm on an international mission involving the theft of gold plated Spam. Leave a message after the tone, and should I survive my mission, I'll call you back. Ciao babies!

Hi, this is Sora. To the Batmobile! Let's go! Atomic batteries to power! Turbines to speed! Roger, ready to move out! As you can see, I'm off making Destiny Islands a safer place' to live. So if you'll leave a message after the tone, I'll get back to you as soon as justice is served. Bye-bye! (**_POW, BIFF_**.)

This is Riku. Sora's not here right now. He's out on a date. The idea of Sora entertaining a girl with his basketball theories and computer knowledge over dinner at Taco Bell should scare the hell out of you. He'll probably be home soon, so leave your name and number and he'll call you back. Deal with it.

Hello, you've reached the phone of Malificent. I can't come to the phone right now because the Riku has turned me into a giant newt! I'll call you back when I get better.

E'llo. My name is Leon Leonheart. You killed my father. Leave your name and number, and prepare to die.

Thank you for calling the Hades' Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over.

Welcome to the Kairi's Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line until we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

Hi, my name is Cid. What type of people call me is something else entirely. I'm a P.I. It says so on my door. I would have been here to take your call, but then... she walked in. She was the kind of dame that could make Mr. Spock speak French. Her baby blues wouldn't let me turn her case down, so leave me a clue of your identity after the tone and I'll track you down. Here's lookin' at you, kid.

Thank you for calling Riku's Mortuary and Delicatessen. You stab 'em and we slab 'em. We have specials on Mondays and Thursdays. We are currently unable to come to the phone, but if you leave your number and address at the tone, we'll be by to pick up the corpse as soon as possible.

* * *

**Leon:** Gee, Yuffie, what do you feel like doing tonight?

**Yuffie:** Same thing we do every night, Leon... Try to take over the world!

(Both Sing:)  
They're Leon and the Yuf,

Yes, Leon and the Yuf,

One is a confusing asshole gunblademan, the other's a teenage ninja.

They're not at home right now, so please don't have a cow,

Leave a message- for Leon and the Yuf, Yuf, Yuf, Yuf, Yuf!

* * *

("_Raiders of the Lost Ark" in background_) You've reached the residence of Sora and Riku. We can't come to the phone right now, because we're cleaning the refrigerator. Please leave your name and number, and we'll get back to you.

* * *

**Cloud:** Hello. Cloud and Aerith aren't here right now, but if...

**Aerith:** Cloud, what are you doing?

**Cloud:** I'm leaving a phone message since we aren't here.

**Aerith:** But you left the last one -- it's my turn.

**Cloud:** No, I'm sure it's my turn.

**Aerith:** No, you're wrong. It's definitely my turn.

**Cloud:** I know it's... Wait... Aerith... What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK... THUD)

**Aerith:** Cloud is out right now, so please leave your name and number.

* * *

Hi, this is Yuffie advising you that you spend WAY too much time on the phone. GO OUTSIDE... See the world, LIVE a little... Have fun.

Hi, this is Cid, and I'm pretending that I'm marooned on a desert island with Dana Delany, Linda Carter, and Sharon Lawrence. Since I don't have a telephone there, you could leave a message in a bottle at the sound of the beep, and maybe it'll wash up on my beach in a few days. Then if the Professor gets stranded here, we'll create a satellite uplink from a few coconuts and a palm leaf and I'll get right back to you.

Hi, this is Sora. I'm pinned down and can't come to the phone right now, and Riku's handling supporting fire! Leave your name and number, and a message! We'll get back to you as soon... FIRE IN THE HOLE! (BOOM!) Oh no, FIRE IN _MY_ HOLE! WAHHH! We'll get back to you as soon as the air cover napalms the place.

Hello. This is Yuffie and Sora. We are currently unable to answer because we are either chasing, or being chased by, bats. Please leave a message.

This is Clayton. G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this Chameleon Heartless. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you.

Hi, this is Kairi. I can't answer the phone now because I'm over at Sora's house. Me and five other guys are helping him replace a lightbulb.

Hi, this is Yuffie. I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape, one of them will get back to you.

Leon, Aerith and Cloud can't come to the phone right now because they've been kidnapped by aliens and replaced by android duplicates. You could leave your name and number at the tone, but I wouldn't -- you might be next!

Hi, This is Riku. I'm unable to take your call in person because I'm having an out-of-the-body experience. In fact I'm standing right behind you and I can hear everything you say. But leave me a message anyway to help me reconnect when I get back.

Hi, you've reached Kairi's room. I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, but my waveform has temporarily collapsed, so leave a message, and I'll call you when I've pulled myself together.

Ansem is reassembling Elvis' brain and can't come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name...

Hello, This is Sora and I'm not here right now. In fact, I'm out getting a new parakeet after the old one, Bob, swallowed a cherry bomb. If you leave a message after the beep, I'll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean a parakeet cage with a vacuum cleaner.

Hi, this is Captain Hook's answering machine. I am walking the plank. Any messages you leave will be deleted.

Good evening, this is Jafar. I'm sorry, but Aladdin can't come to the phone now, as he's quite tied up. (_Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard through a gag._) I should know. I tied him up. But leave your name and number, and he'll return your call if he manages to get free.

Uh, hello, Kairi and Riku aren't here right now. They've been kidnapped! So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag.

Hello! This is Cid. I'm on a four state killing spree! WATTA YA WANT?

Hi, you have reached Sora. I'm sorry, but my answering machine is out of order, so the voice you are hearing is actually me.

This is Cloud. Leave me a message at the beep. (_beep_) Whoops, I bet you couldn't hear that. Lemme try again. (_Beep_) Nuts, once more with feeling...

Hi, this is Aerith. (_Classical music_:) This is our answering machine. (_Switch to heavy metal music_:) This is our answering machine on drugs. (_Silence..._) Any message?

Hello, this is Leon's voice. Leon's not here right now -- hey, haven't you ever lost YOUR voice? Well, believe you me, when I find him again, I'll have a few choice words for him. If you do too, leave them after the beep.

Hi, this is the Enigmatic Man. I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave your message, name and number, I'll call you back when I am...

Hi, this is Ansem. If a telephone rings in an empty room and no one is there to answer it, was there really a phone call? Help me investigate this phenomenon by leaving your name and number after the tone.

Hello, you have reached Merlin's Magic Hotline of Transverse Town. I am currently seeing into the future, but if you leave your name and which lifeline you are currently inhabiting at the sound of the "Alacazam!", I will contact you when the stars align properly.

Hello, you have reached Merlin's Magic Hotline of Transverse Town. This is the fairy Godmother. If your keyblade hit you on the head during the Genie summon, press 1. If a love potion went awry and made your best friend fall in love with you, press 2. If your best friend is _male_, press 3. If you're calling to request a memory wipe, press 4. If you're trying to sell me something, press 5, and the summons will be down to get rid of you shortly.

Hi, this is Axel's answering machine. Commit it to memory.

Hello, you have reached honorable Yuffie's residence. I, Sora, will go and get honorable Yuffie. (_Godzilla scream_.) Oh no! Godzilla coming! Please leave name and number at gong and Yuffie will call back if house still here.

Hi, this is Cid. I'm not at home today, and I might not be home tomorrow. So please leave a message after the tone. I didn't take a shower today, and I might not take one tomorrow. So if you don't leave a message after the tone, you might have to deal with me in person.

Introducing Yuffie's all-new Ginsu answering machine! It cuts, it chops, it slices, it dices your incoming calls! How much would you pay? Don't answer, because if you leave your name and number when you hear the tone, we'll throw in a return phone call ABSOLUTELY FREE!

* * *

Disclaimer- I don't own Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts 2, or the characters contained within. And if you try to sue me, I do something to you so bad I can't even think of it yet! No! Ew! Not that kind of bad!


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